Motivation

So I've created a new reward system for myself.

*10 points max per day

-1 point for every (non-sweet) item of food

-2 for every sweet item

+1 for every glass of water 

8 points = 1 credit

**7 credits = reward

*positive points will be reset at the end of the day (i.e. if score is -1, it will be -1 at the beginning of the next day. but if score is +9, it will start over at 0 the next day.)

**extra/left over credits can only be used during the last month of the year. after the new year starts ALL points and credits will be reset.

Hunger Pains

My friend is trying to get attention by telling people she had anorexia (which she never did, if anything she gained weight) and she's always complaining about hunger pains and how much they hurt. Yeah, they do hurt, I mean, they are called hunger PAINS, but stop complaining about it. If it hurts that much, then either eat something or shut up. I take pride in my hunger pains. When my stomach hurts I know it's because I haven't eaten in a while and I get a sense of accomplishment. I enjoy my growly tummy because I know that it means that I'm sticking to my no food diet.

(Half) Success!!!

I PUKED!!!!! I'm so excited, I finally made myself throw up!!! I binged on ice cream and soda (both easy to purge, I hear) and then I did it!! I don't think I got everything up so I'm still really disappointed in myself but at least it's progress! I'm at my grandma's house, working out in my room while everyone else is sleeping. Hopefully with this new workout plan, I'll start shedding the pounds. I don't really care how long it takes, as long as I reach my first goal of 199 lbs before the end of this school year. I think I'm definety going to make it. I'm feeling really excited and encouraged right now. I think it's time for some more thinspo!!!!!!

NOTE: I DON'T OWN THESE PICTURES!

Fresh Start

Well I found some tips on how to make puking easier so I'm going to try them. I'm starting new this week, trying to eat less food and drink more water, so wish me luck (even though no one's reading my blog)!! I could really use some more tips on easy puking so PLEASE!!!! help me out here.

-One (Fat) Desperate Girl

If anyone's reading this (which I doubt anyone is)...

If anyone's reading this (which I doubt anyone is), I really need your help. There's three things I need from you and your help would be greatly appreciated.

1.) I NEED tips on how to make myself throw up. I've tried everything and after about 6 tries, all I can get up is a very small amount of stomach acid. What do you do?

2.) I need some easy exercises I can do in my room, preferably without any equipment, that will help me lose weight fast.

3.) I figure that if I have a reward in mind for when (or if) I get to my first goal but I don't know what to reward myself with. I don't have a lot of money but I think it's enough to get myself something that will help me want to keep the weight off and work harder to lose more weight. What do you reward yourself with?

FRUSTRATION!!!!!

I am so frustrated with the fact that I can't get a gym membership and my mother can't get one with me. I can't exercise anywhere around my house because my mother doesn't understand why I want to lose weight. I wish she would stop telling me I'm beautiful, just the way I am. I can't possibly be beautiful because I'm still fat. Every Sunday when we're getting ready for church, I can't decide on an outfit because none of them look good on me. But she insists on telling me I look great and I hate it. I look ugly, and I'm sure everyone around me thinks so too. No matter what I wear, I can't hide fat. Why does food have to taste so good??? It's just not fair... We're going to my grandma's house in a week or so, hopefully I'll eat less there. I usually spend some time there during the summer and I eat way less and get way more exercise while I'm there, so maybe the time we spend there next week will get me back in the habit of not eating. Wish me luck (I'm REALLY going to need it)!

 NOTE: I DON'T OWN THESE PICTURES

Valentine's Day Hatred

I hate valentine's day. And it's not just because I'm single, it's because of the candy. I've eaten soooo much candy today I think I might die. And I still can't make myself puke (if you have any tips on easy puking, I would love to hear them!) so it's all just sitting in my stomach, making me even fatter than I already am. I'm too young to get a gym membership by myself and we don't  have enough money to pay for one for my mom too. I don't have anywhere else I can go to exercise. I HATE BEING FAT!!!! I hate eating, I hate not being able to puke, I hate loving food, and I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do about it!

NOTE: AGAIN, I DO NOT OWN THESE PICTURES!